hard day

this is why this blog is so hard for me to keep up.  i am at work. it is 6:45 pm on a tuesday.  i am tired and stressed and want to go home yet cannot muster the energy to walk out into the cold, get on a bus, walk to my car, and drive myself (with a stop at the liquor store first, mind you) home to my couch.

here's what i did today:

-found a patient who is severely mentally ill with metastatic cancer placement in a nursing facility.  we did not think this could be done (she has been here 2 weeks) and was a major high for me today.  she was gone ONE HOUR and is back in her bed here waiting for me to fix the problems.  major low...and reason i am still here.

-found an elderly, dementia patient placement in nursing facility.  three in fact. and was brutally reminded that, while i am wanting a pt to be discharged immediately because placement in found, i frequently forget the angst and difficulty for family that comes with placing a loved one in a nursing home.  too hard to slow down and care about people's feelings when there are so many patients on your list.  i feel like an asshole.  it worked out in the end and he is going to a nice place tonight.  everyone's happy....or something like that.

-arranged transportation for several patients who could have probably taken the bus but due to weather needed other means....good deed for day.

-actively sought hospice for two patients.  one with insurance who will get hospice and will get to go home with her family, with all of the medication that she needs, all equipment needed to be comfortable, and a hospice emotional support that is unmatched.  one without insurance who was denied charity hospice (which i must side note is a really awesome service that many hospice agencies provide but are unfortunately always full as you can imagine) and will die in the hospital.  sad.

-found out that an ex-patient of mine, who was with me for approximately 8 months before he was able to go to a nursing home in october, died this week.  kind of sad, but really great that he is not in pain any longer.  i was so happy that his church friend called me to let me know.  lets you know you had an impact.

-attended three meetings, trained a new person, and tried to not cry or scream at anyone.

OK, i am finally feeling like making my way home.  thanks for listening to me decompress. this place is a roller coaster.  i mostly love it...the best coworkers/support system/therapists, patients with interesting life stories, exciting/new experiences daily, and a continuous learning experience. today the roller coaster just went too fast with too many loopty loops....and it is only tuesday :)